Somehow, I've managed to arrange it that three people in our family have birthdays within 15 days of each other:
Me: 23rd September
James: 28th September
Hannah: 8th October
The result is that, barring the year James was born, my birthday has faded into insignificance next to the birthdays of my offspring. The planning, buying, baking and cleaning up that goes into their birthday parties obliterates any enjoyment I would normally have derived from the time around my birthday.

I loathe children's birthday parties. I'm SO not a jolly-hockey-sticks mommy, enthusiastically plunging into Musical Chairs or Pin the Tail on The Donkey. If I can avoid throwing a party, I will. Last year, I realised with horror that I could no longer get away with the "Let-the-kids-get-on-with-it" kind of parties I'd been throwing since James was 2. Suddenly, James and his friends were of an age where they needed Entertainment, Games, Something to keep them Occupied. You would've laughed had you seen me at his 4th birthday party. There I was, the original introvert, ordering 15 four-year olds around like a veritable sargeant major and throwing my arms around wildly to "Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes".

It took me five days to recover.

To prove just how much I dislike children's parties, I'll make a terrible confession: I didn't throw a first birthday party for either of my children. I just didn't see the point. It's not as if either of them had tasted processed sugar, and the way I saw it, neither of them would've cared who was or wasn't on a guest list. Ok, I made a pretence of a first birthday party for Hannah, when, at the last minute before James's 4th birthday, I told guests that it was a combined celebration. Only two people remembered to bring her presents, though, and most of the guests looked a little confused when we brought out a second cake and started up the "Happy Birthday" song again.

Bad mommy.

This year, we're planning a combined party, complete with A Theme. James's current obsession is knights and castles, so we're throwing a Knights and Damsels party, the latter to accommodate the two little girls (one of them her cousin) on Hannah's guest list.

As yet, I have only a vague notion of what the party will include. I'm thinking costumes, a castle cake (made, of course, by Scott, because, good grief, it's not as if I could do that) and painting of breastplates. Despite the fact that Party Day is only two weeks away, we have yet to send out invitations, mainly because I'm still trying to pick my way through James's guest list, trying to eliminate imaginary friends, friends he hasn't played with in two years, and children he admires from a distance, but doesn't actually play with.

I feel my body tensing up just thinking about Party Day. The only good thing about children's parties is that you can limit the duration of the torture by specifying the ending time on the invitation. So I'm thinking 30 minutes would be good...

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My birthday and James's are 30 years apart, so when he turned 1, I turned 31, and so on. This dawned on James this year, so we had the following conversation in the car last week:

J: So mommy, will you be 55 this year?
Me: (Almost crashing) Um, no, darling...
J: 75?
Me: 35, James. I'll be 35
J: Yes, and then when I'm 6, you'll be 76.